By Tobey Pitman, Community Ministries Missionary, Northshore Baptist Association, LA

Life for Jim was as bad as it could get. He was drinking daily. He could hold a job for only about a week or two at a time. He had two young mouths to feed and a beautiful young bride to nurture. But Jim was convinced that the downward spiral of his life had only just begun and that his entire family would be sucked down into that spiral with him. For what it matters, Jim’s decision was based on his deep love and compassion for his loved ones. Without telling anyone, Jim simply disappeared. He boarded a plane in Boston and a few hours later he arrived in New Orleans.

Jim had performed a “geographical” hoping it would fix his alcoholism. But instead, he went from the frying pan into the fire! In New Orleans there is no last call- Jim could drink 24/7/365. There is no law that ever requires a bar to close! New Orleans is like Mecca to the active alcoholic and like hell to someone trying to quit. Jim managed to overcome his addiction to alcohol and is quick to give God the glory for his victory. I am grateful that this missionary was able to be there when God put a big red bow on this long, drawn out ordeal that lasted for more than 30 years.

Jim is a survivor. He earned a living as a police officer, a security guard, a paralegal, and as a private investigator. He even watered trees to pay the bills. Jim is now disabled. Jim worked hard. Jim drank hard. Jim had extensive periods of sobriety and expensive periods of binge drinking. Jim has been broke and he has been well off. Like most alcoholics, Jim is articulate, smarter than the average bear. He has lived other places but was always drawn back to New Orleans.

Jim has had it rough for the last few years. His health has cratered. I accompanied him more than once in the back of an ambulance to the hospital not knowing if he would make it. Thank God, Jim is a believer! Each time I would ask, as his pastor, “Jim, who can I call?” The answer was consistent, “I have no one. You are my only family.”

Then one day in November, I listened in stunned disbelief to a phone caller who told me that she is Jim’s daughter-in-law and that they have been looking for him for more than 30 years. “We don’t want anything from him. We only want him to know that his son and daughter love him and that we want to know him.”They asked nothing at all about his past, saying that we want only a future with our dad. They were sending a plane ticket so he could be with them for Christmas– “and, oh, yes, won’t you tell him that he has five grandchildren and a great-grandchild.”

After talking to Jim I called her back. She sobbed when I told her that Jim wants to know them too. She then said, “My Christmas gift to my husband is that after 30 years of searching, HE WILL MEET HIS DAD!”

Jim’s story reminds me of our loving Father who says to us, “I have been seeking you for such a long time. I just want to know you. I am not worried about your past- I just want to have a future with you.” Our communities are ripe unto harvest! Jims live all around us. “For the Son of Man is come to seek and to save that which was lost.” Luke 19:10

This article was originally posted in Pitman’s The Church Breaking Out blog at https://thechurchbreakingout.wordpress.com, and is reposted at SBC Today by permission of the author.

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I like to think I’m in control, but God has been teaching me more than ever how little control I have. And I’m learning what a good thing that is. We think we can control most anything these days, from how many kids we have to what day they are born. I even thought that in fostering, I could control how many kids came in our home and what ages they were. But from the moment four kids sat on our coach instead of two, I have been learning lessons in loss of control.

I have much less control over what our house looks like than I did before, and I feel some loss of control over my schedule and how I spend my time. But I still feel mostly in control. We can control what the kids are exposed to while they are with us; and we can make sure that nothing bad happens to them while they are in our care. But looming over the whole foster process is that day when they return home, and we lose all say in their lives. Period.

I’ve always known that day was going to come, but as we prepare for the eventuality, that day seems to represent a loss of control unlike any other. Will they still be taught about God and His love for them? Will they be safe and secure? Will they have a church family to love and encourage them? Will they follow the Lord? I don’t know because I will no longer be in control.

But the more I reflect on these questions, the more I realize that any façade of control I maintain is an illusion. I might like to think that I can protect them from anything bad happening, but I can’t. I might like to think that I can prevent them from being led down the wrong path, but I can’t. In fact, I have no more control today than I will the day after they leave our home. God is just as much in control now as He will be then. Facing the day when they return home makes me feel the need for God to be in control, but I should be just as dependent on Him now as I will be then.

We like to think that we are in charge, but our illusions of control are nothing more than an exercise in vanity. We exalt ourselves by feeling important because of the power we wield. We are large and in charge. But I am slowly learning that things are much better when God is in control. I tend to mess things up, but He never does. So I am learning that there should be no day in the future when I lose control, but everyday should be an exercise in loss of control and submission to an all-powerful God.

This article was posted previously on Dr. Ray’s blog, A Family of Faith, and on the Foster Parents blog. It is copied by permission of the author.

David E. Crosby, Pastor, First Baptist, New Orleans, LA

King Lemuel decided to share with the world the wisdom he had garnered during his ascent to the throne. These “sayings” of King Lemuel are the things “his mother taught him” (Proverbs 31:1). Restated this means that the king learned his really important lessons from his mother.

Maybe Lemuel’s mother was unusually wise and articulate. But I suspect that the king learned these things from his mother for the same reason that many of us found our mothers to be our best teachers: mothers love their children.

One night I was privileged to handle bedtime for the three preschool daughters of my eldest daughter. As I was tucking them in they started to plead, “Back scratch! Back scratch!”

“Okay,” I said, and I scratched their backs, but I could not perform the task precisely as their mother did, and they all fell asleep feeling slightly deprived.

Mothers scratch your back out of love, not duty. They hold you close, comb your hair, clean your ears, and wash your feet just because they love you. They are often our most powerful teachers, not just because they teach us when we are very young, but also because they teach us out of this context of unselfish love.

The things of which you think you are certain climb in number while you are a child. But if you are emotionally healthy and intellectually active, sometime in young adulthood that number of supposed certainties begins to decline.

The things which remain as personal certainties after the gauntlet of adolescence, education, marriage, parenting, bereavement, conflict, and grand-parenting are mostly the lessons your mother taught you. These sureties are solid ground for decision-making, relationships, and quality of life on the planet.

The king’s mother taught him to use his power for the good of others, to abandon selfish indulgence and focus on caring for his subjects in need. She cautioned him about wine and women which she said are not the prerogatives of kings but their downfall.

The king’s mother cared for him when he himself was helpless and needy and could not speak for himself—when he was a baby. That’s what mothers do. They encourage such behavior in their sons and daughters because they know it corresponds with fundamental truth and goodness.

This Mother’s Day we should rehearse the things our mothers taught us by word and example. Maybe the principles and virtues we learned from them will aid us in our current dilemmas, conflicts, and challenges. A mother’s tenderness, gentleness, and generosity should not be lost on those who now have opportunity to speak for the powerless and destitute.

If our mothers are still among the living, we should count ourselves blessed. They deserve a heartfelt thank you and a big hug if we can give it. If they have passed from this life we are still blessed to have known them and known their love. A moment’s reflection about that remarkable woman on this special day might bring a smile and a laugh. Remembering her we might even see the way forward to a higher road, a deeper love and a better life. Her selfless love continues to teach us our most important lessons.

I have been thinking about discipleship lately.  Avery Willis Jr. said,  “Discipleship is developing a personal, lifelong, obedient relationship with Jesus Christ in which He transforms your character into Christlikeness; changes your values to Kingdom values; and involves you in His mission in the home, in the church, and in the world.” The Apostle Paul suggested that discipleship was meant to be passed on from one believer to another in his words to Timothy in 2 Timothy 2:1-2:

¹“You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. ²And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others.” Paul was clearly concerned about the relationships that pass faith from one generation to the next.

As a youth ministry professor, I plan my classes around trying to describe ways to help students and their families in the context of the church and the culture, to see that faith is passed from one generation to the next. Probably the most famous verse that points us in that direction is the Shema from Deuteronomy.  The Hebrews needed instruction as to how they would live when they finally got to the promised land and so they were reminded that families are best way to pass along language, meaning, faith, culture and love (Josh McDowell’s terminology).

⁴Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  ⁵Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. ⁷Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. (Deut 6:4-9, NIV)

I love this. I can hear the clarion call for a spiritually strong father to joyfully and determinedly declare to his family that they will love God with all their hearts.  I get excited at the declarations recorded in Exodus and Deuteronomy and Joshua that have children excitedly asking their fathers about the great things that God has done.

Ex 13:14-15

¹⁴“In days to come, when your son asks you, ‘What does this mean?’ say to him, ‘With a mighty hand the Lord brought us out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. . .

Deut 6:20-21

²⁰In the future, when your son asks you, “What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the Lord our God has commanded you?” ²¹tell him. . .

Josh 4:6-7

⁶In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ ⁷tell them. . .

Can’t you just see the family devotion time wrapped around the amazing miracles at the Red Sea and the Jordan River?  The Shema teaches that these stories of God’s greatness are to be built into the catechism of the home. But also built in is the assumption that parents and adults in the faith community were continuing to mature spiritually throughout life. He assumed that children would ask the meaning of spiritual events because they believed their parents could answer their questions. That assumption may no longer be true.

I have heard many Youth Ministers express their spiritual goals for the students in terms of things like “When students graduate from high school, I want them to be able to recognize and respond to the lordship of Christ, practice spiritual disciplines, develop and demonstrate Christ’s character, make wise decisions, develop godly relationships, make an intentional impact on others etc.” Great thoughts, but the partnership between youth ministry and family has to tilt towards family.

While most recent and credible research points to the role of parents as most effective disciplemakers of students, research also suggests that with the spiritual giants of the Silent Generation now as grandparents, the question is whether the Baby Boomers and the Generation Xers will be mature enough in their faith to take the lead in discipling their preschoolers, young  children and teenagers. It is question and a challenge for pastors and youth pastors as well.

Such discipleship of adults must be initiated by the Pastor. He is the chief disciplemaker of the church and disciples do live by sermons alone. Dr. Avery Willis Jr. was asked if Pastors can disciple their congregation solely from the pulpit through the proclamation event.  The way I heard the story (told in his book, Truth that Sticks) Dr. Willis said something “Preaching is like spraying milk out upon babies hoping that they will catch something in their mouth.  Discipling involves one on one or face to face relationship and communication.”

So we have work to do. To claim that youth ministry is a failed experiment because students statistically are not describing faith in the terms the researchers are looking for is not the whole story. Granted, young adults do not embrace the traditional church in the same way that previous generations have done, but they are a deeply spiritual generation.  What we know for sure is that churches–pastors, youth pastors, worship leaders, deacons, and all other leaders are stakeholders in the future of their faith communities to the degree that they take seriously the Great Commission imperative to make disciples.

I would be inauthentic as a parent who has strived and struggled to be a disciplemaker in my own home if I did not remind us that there are no guarantees. A parent can do all of the checklist items suggested to birth, raise, and send into adulthood strong spiritual children and still have prodigal sons and daughters. We create environments.  I recently preached a sermon on this topic in chapel at the New Orleans Seminary.  I will close here the way I closed that message:

“We cannot by human effort cause the Holy Spirit to work. Not in revival, not in discipleship. We create the environment like the hard-working farmer. Then we wait for God’s favor.” Excerpted from a sermon preached in Chapel at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary, March 10, 2011.

Dr. Allen Jackson

Please let us know what you think about this post. Comments welcome.

Dr. Mohler, while affirming the efficient method of the SBC structure and how it has served us well, basically chided the reorganization changes in the past because they were not based on theologically sound standards based on scripture.  Amen and Amen.  He did acknowledge that the Covenant for a New Century, our lastest attempt for reorganization, was more theologically sound than others before it.  However, he proposes a need for change using as an analogy the Mac commercial where the PC guy is constantly outdated by the Mac guy–another corporate method.  I submit that we need to do away with the corporate methods and see where scripture points us and use those type of analogies.

When we look at Scripture we find that we have God as our Father.  Even when Paul, under the inspiration of the Spirit, penned the words  to the church at Ephesus he described the roles of the family leaders to the role of Christ and the church. Thus we find ourself, as followers of Christ, whose names are engraved into a family history.

The Family Structure is made up of father mother and children.  Our Father has given us the command to go and make disciples.  No one can deny that fact.  Our mother is given to us to nurture and provide support for each of the children.  As children we are expected to reproduce and uphold certain standards or we get disciplined when we rebel against the items clearly defined for us by the Father.  As children we are committed to maintaining the family.  We love our Father and desire to please and serve Him because he loved us first and taught us about love.  Things will happen within the family between the siblings and even from outside forces that cause pain for the entire family.  When that occurs the nurture of the mother takes over and comforts the hurting children, even if it is discipline by the Father that needs the comforting, the mother is there to nurture and comfort the deepest hurt.

The family units receive income from the family business.  Each family unit receives this income and it is certainly used to further extend the family business.  Because our family business has grown like it has some family members are not able to perform their duties on their own.  If a family unit is not spending funds wisely the Father is informed and it is the Father’s business.  Each family is supported by the work of that family and the Father graciously provides for their needs.  It was decided early on that the family could get more done together than they could as individual family units.  Because of this there was organized various elements of expertise that would enable us to do more together.  We decided that we could fund these elements of expertise by a freewill giving plan that each family unit decided the amount to give.  A certain percentage was suggested but it was not required.

The Southern Baptist Convention is a conglomerate of churches that represent the various nurturing tendencies of a mother.  Our Father is God and he certainly has rule over us individually and corporately.  While there is only one church–the Bride of Christ–she is visibly seen in the make-up of the local church structure.  It is within this structure that we, the children of the Father, carry out the task assigned to us by the Father.  We organize our local structure around the will of the Father and we perform tasks the Father has assigned us individually and carried out under the authority of the Father through the leadership of our local church family.

The Southern Baptist Entities are the elements of expertise that support the family members to carry out the Father’s business.  The family units are the churches making up the SBC.  Each entity is supported by the voluntary gifts of the churches and directed by republic representatives that come from the various churches.  These republic representatives are called Trustees.  The trustees hold in trust for the churches these entities that receive funding.  The funding for the entities come from a freewill offering that the churches have been asked to give.  We operate on the understanding that we can do more together than we can alone.  Some of our churches have grown to the extent that they really do not need the convention.  However, they still desire to be part of the SBC family.

The Family Dynamic is something that we all desire to improve on.  Within every family dynamic there is that uncle or aunt that shows up and embarrasses the entire family during family reunions.  You know the one I am speaking of.  In my family it was an uncle that was known for drinking too much and then showing up to let everyone know how much he loved his family.  He would hug you with overbearing hugs that would squeeze the breath out of you and he did not know it.  He would kiss you on your cheek with some of the wettest kisses that would take a half roll of Bounty to dry your face.  This uncle was loud and boisterous.  He would let everyone know what family he came from and he would not allow anyone to mistreat someone from that family.  He also was ready to fight and even looked for ways to make others want to fight.  However, though my uncle was that way we simply understood that he was going to be that way and there was nothing we could do to change it.  We would speak with him and let him know how much he was appreciated and that we did ask him to tone it down some.  It seemed that was the way to approach him becuase he loved his family so much that he was willing to do what was good for the entire family.

It was at these family reunions that we would see old family members that we lost touch with over the years.  When anyone in the family had lost their way and financial ruin was just around the corner there would be an offering received in order to help them through tough times.  Because we prided ourselves not to take welfare from the government.  We will not receive charity from strangers, but we will receive an offering from our family.

The Southern Baptist Convention has about the same family dynamic.  We do have uncles that come to the family reunion a little too intoxicated on keeping the family pure.  They will speak out about their love for the convention and even call names of other family members that they feel are doing things that hurt the family.  These are those that are boisterous and desire to be heard because, after all, the Southern Baptist Convention was established with the idea that messengers could speak what was on their heart and then let others decide if they agreed.  Some, like my uncle, just believe if they would yell a little louder he could convince others that he was correct.

It was at these family reunions that we get nostalgic and speak about the “good ole days”.  That is what family reunions are created for–to remember the good ole days.  We would speak about those family members that struggled and those that we lost along the way and we would remember their contribution to the family as well as to our country.  While we remembered these we also celebrated those new births and new marriages during the year.  We would never forget those because it is the next generation and those after them that will keep the family name alive.  While we do not desire to go back to a time when cloth diapers were used, we certainly encouraged the need for for the mothers to change stinking diapers.

It is the same with the Southern Baptist Convention.  We do get together once a year and handle the family business.  We need to do this and it is like a family reunion so to speak.  While the past is the past no one desires to return to the 1950′s way of doing things.  I have read only one person that has jokingly advocated a return to the envelope system.  While he is joking about that system he does advocate that the system did work in getting people to read their bible.  As a family we can do more together than we can individually.

As the Great Commission Task Force looks at the various possible scenarios concerning the Cooperative Program, I encourage them to do three things.  First, remember that the life line for missions is tied to the Cooperative Program.  It is the family’s way of looking after each other.  Second, remember that those serving in far off lands are family members.  Not only that, but those serving in areas where their lives are in jeopardy everyday are also family.  But never forget, those in the state convention offices and other denominational positions are also family members. Thirdly, do not ever forget that family will embarrass one another.  Just because we get together and someone makes a motion that is not the most desirable motion in the world does not mean that they are no longer part of the family.  How many times have we had family reunions and someone showed up and embarrassed the family by being drunk or being obstinate?  Many times, but they still are part of the family.

I love the Southern Baptist Convention.  I desire for the Southern Baptist Convention to reach the world for Christ.  I also know that the instruction of Acts 1:8 begins with Jerusalem.  It is in Jerusalem that the Great Commission Resurgence must begin–within our FAMILY.

At first blush, the demise of marriage may seem unrelated to this loss of the “theology of the church” that Robin identified, but I want to suggest that the two are very much related. In that discussion, we talked about a deemphasis upon ecclesiology that has also been an effect of this individualism. In the decline of a strong ecclesiology, many important things were lost, including redemptive church discipline and a sense on the part of church members of their place in the body. What has been lost is any sense of the real-life implications of Paul’s elegant description of the church in 1 Corinthians:

The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

1 Corinthians 12:21-26 (ESV)

A study by the Barna Group several years ago famously showed that the divorce rate among evangelical Christians was higher than that of atheists and agnostics, and the breakdown of the numbers showed that Baptists were leading the way in this sad statistic. While untold amounts of ink have been spilled on the possible reasons for this seemingly counter intuitive reality, I would like to suggest that the primary cause is what Robin identified with the words I quoted above.

In our contemporary churches, the eye would not overtly say to the hand, “I have no need of you.” But the relationship between them would be such that the hand would certainly understand that from the eye’s point of view, what happens in the eye’s personal life is none of the hand’s business. I think I’ve stretched Paul’s inspired analogy far enough, but I trust I’ve made my point. No longer do we see ourselves as members of one another; we see ourselves as individuals who interact, sometimes on a weekly basis, sometimes less. No longer do we share life with one another. The “older women” Paul talks about in Titus 2 are today more likely to be gossiping with one another about what is going on in the troubled marriages of the younger women than they are to be “teach[ing] what is good.” Older men no longer see a need to be “sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.” Too often, they just want to get along, and in all of this, the biblical community is lost.

If our churches were, as I said in our podcast discussion, more than just venues in which to hold wedding ceremonies, but rather they were authentic biblical communities of faith, wherein we are involved in one another’s lives, these divorce statistics will begin a drastic turnaround. When we love one another enough to invade what our society so values as “privacy,” in order to encourage, challenge, and hold accountable the other members of the body, we will begin to be more than just props in a wedding, or necessary signatures on a state-issued certificate. We will be the community that takes responsibility for the success of the marriage, and we will be “rejoicing together” at that success.

I know the rote answer is the expected remedy: incarnate the gospel, offer spiritual counsel and support, and offer intercessory prayers for those involved. All are worthy endeavors. Perhaps though there is another path – one less traveled. Rather than accept the plausibility structures society has constructed, we challenge them with a biblical ethic and a clear expression of the implications of the gospel. Much was made in my last article about how the church reaches the world with the gospel. How about this for an option? Let’s stop supporting conventional wisdom about marriage and divorce and offer a contravening biblical example and witness.

The local church needs to offer a prophetic voice that trumpets a different note: one man and one woman for forever. The local church is in essence a counterculture that allows for covenantal accountability and church discipline as a prescription against the crescendo of divorces among believers that are as prevalent as the society we seek to influence. Such an example of regenerate church membership would serve as a biblical witness more effective than any support group we could ever formulate. It would rescue marriage from the clutches of radical individualism and help return it to the covenant relationship God intended. That could be change we (and the people we seek to reach) could believe in.

The purpose of such community would not be a red light green light display of the quick adjudication and application of discipline, but a real community about the purpose of the gospel: reconciliation and restoration (see Galatians 6:1-5). The church could emulate the A&E show Intervention where a group of concerned family members would surround the parties involved and do everything possible to bring forth reconciliation. Imagine the power of such loving intervention. What other aspect of American society can you think of that is more dysfunctional in society today than the so-called nuclear family? In many ways, the family has gone nuclear. It has imploded. The church’s response in many cases has been shrugged shoulders and silent acquiescence to the status quo.

I already anticipate the response will be that such a move will lead to Pharisaical pronouncements of judgmentalism and separatism. John 8 might be bandied about as a model for how the church deals with its members. A better example is Paul’s mandate to the chaos in Corinth in chapter 5 – to deal with the explicit leaven in the lump. This passage makes a distinction between the way the church deals with members and unbelievers. Members are accountable. The need is for biblical discernment that is not judgmental and can see clearly to remove the speck from a brother or sister’s eye. The above argument is for a church that is salt in the world, salt that has not lost its savor.

For a mystery so profound that the Bible uses it as a metaphor for the relationship between Christ and the church, the contemporary church treats the marriage relationship way too casually. Mark Galli makes similar observations in his article “Is the Gay Marriage Debate Over?” (here) He opines that our participation in the radical individualism of our culture has made our voices mute in the debate on gay marriage. That’s a topic for a different day.

Yet its relevance is indisputable. The need is for the church to be distinct and different than the world around us – new creations in Christ. Missional will not be just something we do, but who we really are. The church being the church becomes what Lesslie Newbigin called the only hermeneutic of the gospel, a congregation of men and women who believe it and live by it. Many in the church today decry our irrelevance and suggest we find ways to incarnate missional living. Nothing is more incarnational than believers in community living radical lives for Jesus Christ. It’s a way to let our lights shine before men that they may see our good works and glorify our Father who is in heaven.

“Seventeen summers,” said the busy father, wistfully describing the memory of his oldest child growing up.  He continued, “We get seventeen summer vacations, and then our children are gone.”  His statement stung me as I thought about my own family experience.  Is that all there is with parenting; seventeen family vacations?  If scripture teaches that children are a blessing, why am I not enjoying that blessing?

I thought about my own busy schedule; go to work Monday through Friday with some evening work, then Monday night- Deacon’s meeting/basketball practice, Tuesday night- church visitation, Wednesday night- prayer meeting & youth Choir, Friday night- youth group meeting, Saturday- basketball game, yard work and church social, Sunday- teach
Sunday School, attend worship, and back to church by 5:00pm for discipleship classes and evening worship. Most days we ate fast food or restaurant food while running to activities. My schedule allowed me exactly one night per week to spend with my family, and guess how we spent it? We went out to dinner, then watched television, a movie or I was on the internet!  At one point my wife worked outside of the home, which would have made things even worse.  Now she was busy providing taxi service to and from school, to basketball, to dance.  Add to that television, video games, neighborhood friends and all kinds of other activities that I couldn’t oversee.

I realized that virtually every activity we were involved in divided our family!  The “treadmill” that we were on was a thief of one of the greatest blessings of God; time with our children.  In every arena of our life our relationships with others were superficial, and our busyness was contributing to superficial relationships with our children!

You have probably heard the statement that nobody gets to the end of their life and says, “I sure wish I had spent more time at work,” or, “I should have spent more time watching television,” or, “I wish I had made more money.”  What do people say?  They say, “I wish I had spent more time with my loved ones.” Even the respected evangelist Billy Graham said that if he could do it over again, he would spend more time with his family. But this problem is not unique to busy people like Dr. Graham.  Most Americans can identify with this problem; it is a sign of the times.  The problem is we can’t see it.

Doug Phillips, president of Vision Forum asks this question, “Does a fish know that it is wet?”  We answer, “Of course not.  The fish has always lived in water.  It is all the fish has ever known.” This is a very good analogy of our condition; we don’t realize that we are soaking wet with busyness, with keeping up with the Jones, with being consumed by things that have little long term value, and our relationships with others suffer.

For the parent, what has the greatest value, and what will bring us the best memories? Training up our children has great value; showing them how to live can change the world.  Deuteronomy 6:7 tells this to fathers, “You shall teach them (God’s words) diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”  I realized that in all my busyness, and in all our activities, I could not obey this command.

Our best example of parenting is shown in the New Testament, with Jesus.  Jesus had a Father and a stepfather.  Jesus said this about His Father in John 5:20, “For the Father loves the Son, and shows Him all things that He himself does; and He will show Him greater works than these, that you may marvel.”  God personally trained and modeled to His Son what He expected. Joseph personally taught Jesus the trade of carpentry. Although Jesus may have learned a few things from Jewish scholars (and vice-versa), the primary responsibility was assumed by His Father and stepfather.

Today our family lives in the quiet, rural community of Landrum, South Carolina.  I work out of my home; my children help me with tasks I need to get done. I teach them things I’ve learned.  Now that we home school, our children’s SAT scores have improved, and my wife is enjoys “relearning” as she teaches most of the academics. We stay together during the activities at our small church. We have ministry projects we do as a family; our purpose is to be salt and light to our community. Each evening we sing hymns, read and talk about the Bible, and pray together. I tell my children stories of how God has worked in my life. We play ping pong and outdoor games. We read stories, play board games and do puzzles together.  We get together with other families for fellowship.  Now
most evenings are spent together as a family.  As I write this article I am drawn to the wonderful, familiar aroma of a home cooked meal, and the delightful sound of laughter.

Was this an easy change? No way! We have been far outside of our comfort zone.  Our family income is much lower. I have been challenged to find a job that I can do from our home. We live in a less expensive home. Our drive time to the grocery store is now 25 minutes, instead of 10. Our children protested our move, and our oldest child resented our decision for a while. The children were bored at first as we slowed down, unplugged, and made other changes. We miss our friends. I gave up golf. Living together has required many adjustments from each family member. Our new lifestyle is in stark contrast with the status quo of the American culture; in some ways it is a throwback to earlier times.

However, we are beginning to see what a blessing our children are. We are making new friends. We already have some new memories together; busyness could never buy this! My wife loves her role as a Proverbs 31 woman. Our children are growing academically and spiritually; they are involved in ministry, rather than programs. Proverbs 13:20 says this, “Those who walk with the wise will become wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.” Since our children now spend more time with their parents than with other children (the biblical characterization of all children is fools), we have more influence in their lives. Now that I know my children better I can see their individual strengths and weaknesses. I believe that I will be much better prepared to advise them about their future calling and vocation. Our time together is starting to yield some sweet fruit! Who
knows what the future holds, but I don’t think we will regret this decision.
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Postlog:  I wrote this article in 2005.  Now, three years later we have seen the Lord work in our lives in more ways than I can adequately explain.  I will never regret the extra time that I have spent with my family.  Our children are truly blessings, and it has been a privilege to get to know them better, and to guide them as they pursue the Lord’s will in their lives individually. I love and appreciate my wife more than ever.  We have sacrificed much, but the benefits outweigh the costs by an eternal margin.

We’re pleased to present this challenging article written by Alan Melton. Alan is the founder of Disciple Like Jesus ministry. This ministry encourages parents and grandparents to disciple their children in the same manner that Jesus made disciples. Resources are available to parents at www.DiscipleLikeJesus.com.  Alan is co-author of the book Disciple Like Jesus for Parents, which will be available in bookstores this Spring.

Alan has served the Lord as a church planter and teaching elder, a deacon and as a business owner.  He led FAITH and E.E. evangelism training ministries for 10 years and juvenile delinquent ministry for 16 years.

In the last decade Alan has accepted God’s primary call to disciple his children. Married to Donna for 31 years, he has two children, Jen, 17, and Ryan, 14, and they reside in Landrum, South Carolina.