This is the fourth in a four-part series on “Critical Criteria” for selecting the next president of the Southern Baptist Convention. Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Click my picture to visit my blog. Harriette has written this final article with her tongue firmly planted in her cheek. Enjoy!
In the fourth and final post on Critical Criteria Characteristic of SBC President I offer a bit of my more personal desires:
He needs to be a Boston Red Sox fan. If he is not a fan, he should never, ever, ever speak against them. There are Southern Baptist in New England, you know.
He should recycle his aluminum cans and never divulge his preferences to Coke or Pepsi. He should plant trees every Arbor Day but not hug them on any day.
He should be willing to drink tea, sweetened or unsweetened without choking on either. He should drink his coffee black, not all gussied up with latte this and latte that. He can eat quiche but it must have lots of onions, garlic and jalapeno peppers in it. He should always carry breath mints, too.
He should sing the Star-Spangled Banner every time he watches the Nascar Races, football, basketball or baseball games. He should thoroughly enjoy tennis but doesn’t have to care one whit about golf. He needs to be informed of all the medals that the USA will win at the Summer Olympics and be ready to praise them every time he gets a chance.
He should love children, dogs, cats, spiders and snakes. And he shouldn’t faint at the sight of blood. He should be willing to perm his wife’s hair, and paint his mother’s fingernails and toenails. He needs to show honor and respect for elderly and never help anyone cross a street if they don’t want to go to the other side.
He should always speak well of the SBC Today team, even if he doesn’t agree with them on all the tertiary issues. He needs to carry a handkerchief and use it to wipe the tears from his eyes each time he reads a negative comment towards Robin, Tim, Scott, Joe or Wes. He should kinda like me, even though he will probably never see me this side of heaven. BUT…he should be willing to sign a contract with the SBC saying he will not blog the entire time he is President of the Southern Baptist Convention.
If he gets to meet the President of the United States, then he should give him my website and tell him what a great person I am. And while he is with him he needs to ask him why in the world every ill that has befallen mankind in the past two hundred years is the fault of Americans generally and Christians specifically.
Oh…and he shouldn’t pick his teeth or burp in public. selahV
Sister SelahV,
Now that is some kinda wonderful traits for the next SBC president! I am in Boston while writing this….and boy they can use some faithful Baptist in this neck of the woods.
I found a Baptist church last night in Bedford MA, that had a sign on it that said “We Worship in English”. Thought that was a good thing for me anyway…..
Thanks for the post.
Blessings,
Chris
Sister Harriette,
I have been known to burp in public, I guess that disqualifies me. :>)
Blessings,
Tim
As you know, I once had to refuse to engage another woman on the blogs because of her behavior.
It grieves me deeply to have to break fellowship with you, SelahV, but you have crossed the line.
Red Sox? How could you. I am heart-broken and disappointed.
Until you repent of that blasphemy against Mr. Steinbrenner, I will have to shun you, speak evil of you, and possibly speak your name while I burp.
Chris, what are you doing up there? I love New England. You are right. we do need greater witnesses in New England. when I was in New England, there were only 19 churches in the whole 7 states. I think there are a few more now, hmmmmn?
Tim, well, if you say excuse me with all sincerity, maybe we could make an exception. how ya feel about those Red Sox?
Dave, now, now, now. Here I’ve been away from a computer for less than a week and you’re shunning me with no good reason. Mr. S needs to retire. selahV :)
btw…you can shun me, but you shouldn’t speak evil of me. no no no. not nice.
Selah, I am willing to be congenial about a lot of things, but the Red Sox? There are places I cannot go and things I cannot do, even in the name of unity.
By the way, people have often tried to harrass me about the Yankees by insulting King George. As a lifelong, committed, passionate (unbalanced?) Yankees fan, I can tell you that few like George S. less than I do.
He just about ruined our team, and it was only when he was suspended in the 90′s that things began to turn around.
He would trade all our prospects for old, broken down outfielders and nearly ruined the team.
On another matter, after much research, I have found out that there is not, in fact, a direct entrance to the lake of fire from Fenway Park.